Baron Classics: Psychological Warfare

Twelve Deadly Venoms
The Tactical Tricksters Guide to the Zodiac

How to Aggravate an Aries: Premature Ejaculation

The key to defeating an Aries is simple. Almost each and every Aries mistakenly believes, in their palpitating heart of hearts, that raw force of personality and essential strength is enough to decide a conflict in their favor. Not so, not so. To defeat an Aries at a game of skill, you must find out how to first weather their full assault- and then mock it. Aries engage personally in any contest, and it is their ego that marshals much of their strength. And strength they have, but it is predictable. They tend to have a favored, personalized style of assault. Predict, weather it, and then mock it. Once you begin mocking an Aries, their egos will usually crumble and their game will become a combination of frustration and rage. Unbalanced and easily defeated. Check it out.

How to Destroy a Taurus: Float like a Butterfly

The Taurus player of any game does not suffer from an overly aggressive and unwise energy expenditure pattern. They are often content to plod towards victory a steady and somewhat conservative pace. To destroy a Taurus, hit and run tactics are recommended. Wear a Taurus down by taking shots whenever there is an opening, but retreat before the Taurus brings their full might to bear on your attack. You can cut down on the mass and might of a Taurus game by nipping at its heels and until there is little left but a bunch of bleeding and irritated flesh. Although a bull can crush a wolf, or a gore a tiger with its horns, it can do little but switch its tail at clouds of parasitic flies and blood hungry birds. Be swift, and be constant. Wear down a Taurus conserved strength and suck its patience dry. Youll win.

Degenerating Gemini: Know Thyself

Gemini is often a consummate competitor. Geminis often excel at identifying anothers weakness and then devising a stratagem to take advantage thereof. It is this very strategic sense that can be counted on as Geminis consistent weakness. It is a safe assumption that any Gemini you tangle with in love or war, on chessboard or on the dance-floor will approach the situation by attempting figure out your weakness and then attack it, intelligently. The trick to degenerating Gemini is to be ready for this. To anticipate the perception of your weakness and to prepare for the strategy that will attempt to take advantage of it. The Gemini will become frustrated when they realize that their strategies are of no avail, and then you can press the offensive. Geminis often lack a solid understanding of the basics of any game with which they engage, and will disintegrate into so many warring personalities when their perceived ability to outsmart you fades. Their game plan is based on your game plan. Know your own game.

Crushing a Cancer: Contained Fury

Cancers tend to stick to stratagems where they conserve their power, focusing on defense, and then unleash it all at once, crushing over-intrepid opposition in a defensive counter-strike at your most vulnerable spot. Dont make momma angry. Even in abstract games of skill, Cancer is likely to take things rather personally, and store up their desire to counter-attack. Make a Cancer pay for their lack of aggression. Take the ground they give and hold it. Press the attack and stifle their desire to accumulate power. Disturb the peace of their arrangements and dont give them a chance to attack back. If you can harry a Cancer sufficiently, they will commit too much to a premature counter-attack, which, if anticipated can be easily crushed. Short version: nip at their heels, harry their flanks. Dont commit deeply enough to be counter-attacked. Bait them until their calm is crippled, and then crush their ill prepared counter-attack.

Leo: Believe In Me

Leo generally brings a well rounded, offensive game. Their attack usually isnt terribly subtle, but its rarely incompetent. Leo believes that it can win. It believes in itself. The power of one. With a Leo, its important to make them feel like their all is not good enough. Make them feel outclassed. Make them believe in you, in your power. Leos confidence can be successfully projected on to you by treating every small victory you achieve as though it were the natural order of things. You are the king of this jungle, and it is just part of nature for them to be inferior to you. Once youve managed to rob the Leo of its belief in itself, it will be begin to subconsciously set you up for victory, and itself for defeat.


Violating Virgo: Prosthetic Castration

Like Gemini, Virgo is usually quite canny. Whereas Gemini tends to formulate an offensive game plan based on their opponents strategic weakness, Virgo tends to organize itself to counter any assaults brought to it. Virgo favors the castration defense, sizing up an opponents strengths and then designing a defense to neutralize the attacker. Know this. Know that Virgo is watching. The Baron recommends that you do not start with your best foot forward when you step into the arena with Virgo. Instead, put forth a phony assault. Let Virgo organize itself around what it perceives to be your strengths. Let Virgo have a token victory or two, and then attack the unprotected Virgo with the full glory of your true strength. Their investiture in an ineffective preparation will put them off balance mentally long enough to you to seize the day.

Make Libra Lose: Play Dirty

Though Libras often dont come off as overly-rule bound, they are. Libras like to know the rules, and they like to use them to their advantage. Libras like to have their contests well defined, honorable, fair. They enjoy games of skill as a type of social interaction. Take that away from them. Dont be friendly. Dont enter into the spirit of mutual contest. Dont share words and energy with them. Remove the element of fun. Then, cheat. Not a lot. Just a little bit. And let them catch you. If its basketball, throw an elbow. If its Monopoly, shortchange them. It wont take much to make them furious. Poor Libras mental clarity and skill is entirely dependent upon their emotional disposition. If you can put them off-balance, youve put them off their game. Try it.

Stepping on Scorpio: The Master-Plan Exposed

Scorpios totem animals are small but deadly, including the whole family of arachnids and the most venom laced snakes. Patient and deadly, the Scorpio is usually waiting for you to make an incautious step so that it spring from the shadows and decimate you. And Scorpio IS waiting for that moment. Most Scorpios have bloated egos when it come to their hidden potency, and just CANT WAIT for everyone to see. Fake a false step and let Scorpio try to seize you in its coils. Once a Scorpios plan is exposed and its venom is ingested, an anti venom can be prepared. Scorpios strength is the master plan. Once exposed, Scorpios plans lose the element of surprise and become just another strategy.

Smashing Sagittarius: Bored to Death

Sagittarius enjoys the spectacular nature of a contest. They revel in the feeling of a plan or movement executed with a high level of skill. Not only theirs, most Sagittarii enjoy an opponent who makes bold, powerful moves as well. They wont be intimidated, only excited by being challenged. And that excitement is the key to defeating them. Make whatever game of skill you are playing boring. Make them attend to details, limit them to conservative moves, and work on stifling glory left and right. By turning a glorious battle into a game of numbers and attrition, you rob them of their spirit. Without proper spirit, a Sagittarius enthusiasm and confidence wane, as well as their attention.

Killing Capricorn: A Plan Can Be a Tomb

Capricorn has a strong grasp of the Principles of strategy, but is often dogmatic in the methods it uses. Capricorn tends to get stuck on what it thinks is the Right way to do things. Find out this right way. Then let them think that its working. Encourage their inability to stray from the plan, and they will become very predictable. An opponent whose movements can be predicted becomes the loser.

Antagonizing Aquarius: Short-Circuit

Aquarius brings a high level of rational planning to the table. Aquarius can construct both attacks and defenses with equal ability, and is generally ready for the next logical move any opponent will make. The key to defeating a clever Aquarius is to depart from the rational paradigm. Make stupid moves. Do things that make no sense whatsoever. Make false moves that seem to accomplish nothing whatsoever. Bring Aquarius out of its logical game plan. Make them believe that they cannot use their logic to predict your next move, and force them to rely on their not so keen senses. Aquarians founder without recourse to logic and principles. Expect their brilliance, and then make an idiot out of them.

Pushing Pisces Around: Dont Believe the Hype

Pisces generally enters the fray by remaining indistinct. A powerful Pisces will suggest several different directions of attack and defense without committing to any of them. Dynamic indeterminacy characterizes Pisces approach. To defeat Pisces, one has to do a few things. First, dont follow their lead. Their movements are designed to trick you into making false moves that they can capitalize on. Ignore theatrics. Also, expect them to attack you in a number of different ways. Expect them to change their angle often. Pisces rarely rely on a tried and true technique or two. Stick to your game plan, and shrug off their attempts to mislead you. Youll find, deprived of an ability to take you off your game, that most Pisces lack the ability to stand solidly toe to toe. Force honest confrontation.

Disclaimer: If you do not take every word of these horoscopes into you with the utmost faith, you will die. Statistics bear this out. Simply scan the newspapers. You will find that an overwhelming majority of the people that die each week DID NOT read the Baron's horoscopes.

If your newspaper or your mom's website are interested in publishing the Baron's weekly prophetics, shoot this old guy an email at Dr.Coppockalypse@gmail.com. The Baron is also available for birthdays, weddings, funerals and orgies.

Copyright 2006 ABYSSAL EPISTLES

Baron Classics: Strategy

A MANDALA OF POWER

Aries: Stomp

The strategy of Aries is to enter into conflict without warning or hesitation and to resolve it before a pattern emerges. The opponent is not allowed to do anything but defend until combat is complete. In the Fire Scroll of the Book of 5 Rings, Miyamoto Musashi writes on stomping down an opponent's attack as he executes it. This means not to allow any further attacks, and to keep attacking unceasingly until the opponent is defeated. One does not permit a combat in which there is an equal and drawn out exchange of blows. Musashi writes: "Stomping is not only done with the feet. You should learn to stomp with your body, stomp with you mind, and of course, to stomp with your sword." This echoes into Robert Greene's 28^th Law Of Power: Enter Action With Boldness.

Taurus: Rhythm

Taurus is associated with constancy of being, but a situation in which there is an opponent implies movement. Constancy of movement is called rhythm, and rhythm is important in all things. As Miyamoto Musashi writes in the Earth Scroll of the Book of 5 Rings, "The way to win at battle according to military science is to know the rhythms of specific opponents, and use rhythms that the opponents do not expect." By understanding the fixedness of the opponent on a certain rhythm, or pattern of rhythms, one can choose a rhythm which cuts through the empty places in theirs. By knowing pattern, one can insert a counter pattern in order to achieve victory. One who is insistent on charging can be tripped, while one who is insistent on backing up can be pushed into a corner. It is through understanding the rhythms of the bull that the matador is not slain.

Gemini: Division

With Gemini it is inevitable that the strategy contains division. The division is between the true and the false. The real strength and real vulnerabilities are concealed while decoy strengths and vulnerabilities are presented. For example, an attack is launched which does not contain one's real strength. In going to meet it, the opponent does not engage with the true threat, and is therefore vulnerable to the strength which has been concealed. In individual contests, this is a feint, which is followed by a planned counter-attack. In large scale conflicts, this is a method for flanking an opponent, or pinching their forces between your own, like a vise. It is expected that if one understands this, then one will not be easily fooled by others who utilize this strategy. The division between the true and false also suggests concealing hurts received, and treating enemies as friends.

Cancer: Panopticon

Cancer's strategy is not taken from the histories of armies' mighty clash. No, Cancer's strategy comes to us from the works of the 20^th century cultural observer Michel Foucault. His concern was not the employment of weapons on the battlefield, but the knots of power by which a society bound its internal contradictions together. He studied the methods by which the State regulated its dissidents. He thus compiled studies of these strategies, not for the use of rulers, but for residents, so that they might recognize and resist these state-directed rivers of power. One of his most influential ideas was the strategy of the "Panopticon," a metaphor derived from a prison design. The prison was shaped like a tire, with the cells on the inside of the tire. In the center of the tire was an observation tower. From the observation tower, it was possible to look into the inside of any of the cells. While the cells had only bars between themselves and the on-looker, the observation tower had tinted glass, making it possible for those inside to observe, but not be observed. Thus the prisoners never knew when they were actually being watched- they only knew that any point they COULD be watched. Thus all of the rules the prison were constantly on the prisoner's mind. Foucault argued that this type of power was increasingly typical of contemporary society.

We don't know if George Bush has been reading out email. We only know he can. America's birthday is on July 4th. What?

Leo: Crush

In his Book of 5 Rings, Miyamoto Musashi writes, "Crushing requires a crushing mood. As when you view an opponent as weak and become strong yourself, thus overwhelming your adversary." Little describes the state of the Leo in war better. Victory may be gained by careful strategy, and proves the abler strategist, but to utterly crush the opponent presents a proof to the world regarding whose right is divine. Crushing is a greater degree of victory that humiliates the opponent. It demonstrates that the opponent was foolish to even engage, thus ensuring the propagation of one's legend and the destruction of theirs. As Musashi suggests, crushing requires a certain state of mind. One must see oneself as singularly capable of utterly devastating the opponent. To convince this opponent of this reality is to ensure victory. However, if one's force is not sufficient to the task, one's conviction is not sure, and the opponent does not share this view point, the "crush" can backfire on the "crusher", resulting in a loss of morale as well as an enfeebled position. More can be learned through an examination of Robert Greene's 15^th Law of Power "Crush Your Enemy Totally."

Virgo: Inhibit

Virgo's strategy is to inhibit the useful and to allow only failure. In the Book of 5 Rings, Miyamoto Musashi writes about "Holding Down the Pillow." This is the strategy of Virgo. One perceives the opponent's intention to act, and then inhibits the action. As Musashi puts it, you "inhibit an opponent's cut from the letter c." All useful actions are inhibited in this manner, while all actions not leading to any advantage to be allowed, even encouraged. Thus the opponent is led to a place of impotence. Frustration increases impotence, and leads to desperation. The desperate have lost.

Libra: Taunt/Seduce

When dealing with an opponent, be they an army, an asshole at a party, or your super-villain arch nemesis, timing is everything. To be able to anticipate an attack is to be able to defeat it. Libra is intensely aware of this. Thus is it is not Libra's strategic nature to attack first. Libra would rather the opponent expose themselves first. Ever so much better if the opponent's attack is hurried, sloppy, and imprecise. One's counter attack is sure to be devastating. This is where the taunt comes in. Libra's strategy is to entice the opponent into attacking prematurely by any means necessary. The insult or taunt and the seduction or lure are the two methods used to do this. The insult or taunt unbalances the opponent in the direction of anger in order to cause them to advance. The seduction or lure dangles irresistible bait before an opponent, unbalancing the mind with the promise of pleasure and causing them to advance prematurely. Both the boxer who intentionally leaves a body part unprotected, and a woman wearing a very short skirt are examples of this strategy. The hasty attack is then countered brutally.

Scorpio: Terror

When we deal with Scorpio, it is difficult to isolate a single strategy. The waters of Scorpio are inevitably clogged with a thousand maneuvers, but many of them can be boiled down to right use of the principle of fear. Niccolo Machiavelli is famed for his statement that it is better for a ruler to feared than loved. Scorpio knows and believes this. Establishing the capability for awful retaliatory violence, whether emotionally, physically, or mentally, the Scorpio is able walk confidently knowing that none dare risk their wrath. By establishing the capacity for vengeance and then concealing their position, fear eats at the minds of potential opponents. Not knowing what will trigger the outburst of violence, all tread carefully. This can be likened to a sniper in a concealed position or the threat of assassination. Fear paralyzes opponents and causes them to second guess their actions. It should be noted that this is the primary tool of the terrorist.

Sagittarius: Crusade

The strategy for Sagittarius is a tactic used to control a populace as well as an opponent. Sagittarius declares holy war. This technique has many advantages. It forces the concealed to reveal their positions or to side with you out of fear, thereby either cowing or defining you opponents. By polarizing the conflict between you and the declared opponent, you appear to be "Right" while they are "Wrong." By identifying "Right" with your interests, and "Wrong" with their interests, it is impossible for you to appear wrong, and impossible for the opponent to appear correct. Confused by the complexities of ethics, many people are happy to place these difficult questions into the hands of others. People flock to someone who will define and then defend a moral code for them. The one declaring the crusade also benefits from appearing to the most moral- according to the definition used to start the crusade! In addition, as people lose interest in the crusade, they find that it is not easy to leave, because by leaving a crusading group, you become the enemy- thus- a traitor.

Capricorn: Position

Capricorn, whether its natives accept it or not, is the motherland of strategy, and thus its strategy is the mother of strategies. The name of that strategy is to attack from a superior position, utilizing the advantages of that position to defeat the opponent. But what is superior position? With terrain, it may be higher ground. In an argument, it may be a position backed by authority. But these are all simple examples. What makes a position superior is one's understanding and use of it. The king who does not understand how to use his position is in an inferior position to the slave who knows the hidden advantages of his perfectly. Thus to understand the setting of the theatre of battle, to choose the best position, and to use the advantages of that position are the proper way. Knowledge of the weaknesses of the opponent's position is the counterpart of this understanding. When an army is in a forest, they may be burned out. When they travel through a marsh and movement is inhibited, one's archers should attack. Each position has advantages and disadvantages. The knowledge of these leads to victory. Though he plays the clown, many movies starring Jackie Chan work with this principle. By superior understanding of the environment, the "weaker" one prevails.

Aquarius: Unorthodoxy

Aquarius is concerned not merely with ideas, but with the significance of ideas at a given time. The inventor exemplifies one who understands the ideas whose time has come. The same applies in strategy. In the Art of War, Sun Tzu writes about the orthodox and the unorthodox . One approaches in an orthodox manner, and yet, "The one who excels at sending forth the unorthodox is as inexhaustible as Heaven." This refers to the understanding of when and why to deviate from the normal and safe in order to achieve victory. It is dangerous to experiment with new equipment or strategy when what is valuable is at stake, but it is the completely unfamiliar yet appropriate that circumvents all existing knowledge an opponent may have. Significance of the innovation to the moment is the key to the proper use of the unorthodox, and may be what many call genius.

Pisces: Mythology

As with the other Water Signs (Cancer, Scorpio), Pisces' strategy is primarily based in understanding and manipulating the psychology of the opponent. While Cancer utilizes the threat of an omnipresent parental awareness to unbalance the mind, and Scorpio the fear caused by sudden and terrible violence, Pisces finds its strategy in the beliefs of its opponents.

Pisces is concerned with the manipulation of the opponent's interpretation of events, the control of meaning. Pisces utilizes the beliefs of the opponents to psychologically maneuver them into a place where they are defeated. To do so, Pisces utilizes the cultural meanings that facts have taken on. For example, the Moon was the symbol of the Persian Empire at the time of Alexander the Great. During a battle when Alexander fought the Persians, there was an eclipse of the Moon. This fact- the physical eclipse of the Moon- was interpreted to mean that the Persians would be eclipsed by the armies of Macedonia.This boosted Alexander's morale and depressed the Persians. To capture an opponent's flag is not victory, but it is a symbol of victory which goes on to create the actual victory it only symbolizes. By understanding how people interpret events, events can be construed as natural proofs of one's victory- its fated nature. This strategy of language and interpretation may be studied extensively in the works of Roland's Barthes' "Mythologies." Successfully "Mythologizing" one's victory provides an excellent segue into "Crushing" -see Leo.

Disclaimer: If you do not take every word of these horoscopes into you with the utmost faith, you will die. Statistics bear this out. Simply scan the newspapers. You will find that an overwhelming majority of the people that die each week DID NOT read the Baron's horoscopes. If your newspaper or your mom's website are interested in publishing the Baron's weekly prophetics, shoot this old guy an email at Dr.Coppockalypse@gmail.com. The Baron is also available for birthdays, weddings, funerals and orgies. Oh, and astrological consultations. There's that, too.

COPYRIGHT 2006 ABYSSAL EPISTLES

Baron Classics: Self-Undoing

The Zodiac of Self-Undoing

The Baron deigns to delineate a general mandala to help dredge the deeps of each signs addictive direction. Note: These are directions, not absolute predictions. They outline a faultline common to whatever force operates in the style suggested by the sign.

Aries: The Ram

Aries addiction is focused on a variety of subconscious barriers that prevent them from manifesting their real potential. This addiction to lazy-ness and time wasting generally focuses on indulging in premature experiences of potential realized instead of the painstaking work of trudging towards said potential. Potential is projected onto fictional characters and personal heroes who are kept separate from personal potential. Instead of providing a light house by which to guide personal development, instead, they define the limit of growth. Excessive consumption of anti-hero media and idolization of cartoon characters is symptom. Also, drugs taken to replicate a more advanced state than the Aries has actually attained is common, making for unstable performance and dependence on aids for proper manifestation.

Taurus: The Bull

For Taurus, the temptation to laziness and pleasure is easy to identify, though it is not so much a problem as much as danger of success. The real barrier to success in the case of many Tauruses stems from impatience, and the vestigial belief that all affairs and people can be muscled through. Though the Taurus has a somewhat placid surface, there is a tendency to push the people in their life around. This secret selfishness creates a tangle of half-conscious passive aggressive conflicts with people who feel bullied, but often don't exactly know why. This situation leads to escapism by creating a superficial peace via overconsumption of food, overindulgence in sex, and wallowing in chemical habits that erase the harsh lines of the underlying conflicts which stab upward into awareness.

Gemini: The Twins

For Gemini, what lurks beneath the conscious level is the earth itself. Gemini's ability to soar into self-created realms is juxtaposed by the chilling drops back to things-the-way-they-are. These flips from potency to imprisonment are easily understood by means of the myth of the twins, one dark and one light. These drops into the darkness of impotence create a fear that all that Gemini creates lasts only as long as the mania which powers it. This often sets up a deep insecurity regarding the value of the Gemini's work, as well as questions about the ability to follow through and complete anything. This set of fears often drives people with strong planets in Gemini to go to unhealthy lengths to stay aloft and hyper-energized. Addictions to stimulants, mind-enhancing chemicals of all types, and overconsumption of fast-food entertainment are common methods of avoiding the dreaded drops. These, however, prevent Gemini from reaching a state of integrated power by artificially widening the manic-depressive divide.

Cancer: The Cancer

For Cancer, the issues from which addiction springs are those of a divided heart-mind. The inherent urge to set down deep emotional roots (or tentacles) is problematized by a deep uncertainty about the object of attachment. This leads to a boiling subconscious sea of doubts and contradictory behavior. Attempts to avoid or quell these doubts artificially are often the type of addictive or self-imprisoning behavior. Chemicals or artificial experiences that return the Cancer to a simplified, emotionally oriented approach to life are typical. Alcohol and other downers are a good tool for this. These regressive experiences create a repressed set of contradictory motivations that sometimes boil over into quasi-psychotic behavior that destroys the very connections that they consciously nurture, sometimes by forming an opposing and exclusive set of connections, like having 2 families.

Leo: The Lion

For Leo, a fear of dependence is often the root issue behind self-destructive, self-imprisoning, and addictive behavior Beneath the sunshine of self-empowerment, Leo is often paralyzed by knowledge of its origins. The tender emergence from the childhood shell as well as all people and energy that go into making the successful Leo radiant is both a blind and soft spot. The dependence of the performer on the audience, and the dependence of nobility on the people ruled is the dependence that Leo often turns away from. This creates a false confidence, a insecure and therefore hungry egotism, and a destructive narcissicism. Leo's self-destructive behavior loop is to create a dramatized play of self-destruction, which they will perform in order to garner the support and care that they consciously deny that they need. Other, more self-controlled Leos may take a dictatorial role in relationships, "making" those close to them take care of them. The coercive nature of this dynamic prevents them from feeling dependent, since they "control" the support given to them.

Virgo: The Virgin

Virgo is a sign concerned with intelligent manipulation of the material environment, both internal and external, body and world. The constant act of self reconfiguration makes Virgo rather prone to addictive issues, but also wise in the ways of overcoming them. Virgo's sticking point is often self-esteem. Virgo is often so highly praised for function that become insecure about value of the central and target-less light of self. The resulting addiction to functionality and negligent self-respect is often the basis for issues. An exaggerated case takes drugs to become the perfect tool needed by their life, and then takes drugs to recover from that. They may also take drugs to avoid the mode of consciousness mandated by function. Missing the whole time is a relaxed acceptance of self. Virgo is the pill-popper of the zodiac, with a medicine bag and tool kit designed to chemically alter them into the proper tool for the occasion.

Libra: The Scales

Libra's self destructive behaviors are easy to recognize: laziness, excessive pleasure seeking, and over involvement in doomed relationships. The origin of this behavior is rarely the pleasure of the act, but often comes from a sincere desire to avoid any real work. A disdain for solitary, uninspired drudgery is paramount. This often includes careful work on any creation, most especially the self. There is often an unconscious belief that they do not have the capability to bring anything to completion. Editing and perfecting bring up this insecurity, and projects are abandoned in favor of something fun, something that does not bring up deep insecurities.

Scorpio: The Scorpion

For Scorpio, condemned behavior is reputed to be the norm. But taboo behavior is not the same as self-destructive behavior. Scorpio's direction is to unearth the pearls of wisdom buried within banned books and outlawed behaviors. Daliance with illegal substances is by no means the same as self-undoing. For Scorpio, the set of issues that turns flirting with death into heavy petting is usually loneliness. Being made to make its own way, Scorpio is equipped with the tools to ignore idiots and drive straight to the personal core of the matter, regardless of opinion. The very boldness that makes Scorpio what it is also drives others away and destroys social harmony. Scorpio's numerous unmet social needs deform their explorations. Bloating relationships with inappropriate intensity on one hand, and avoiding normal, balanced, relationships on the other hand is common. Alcohol is a Scorpio favorite, as it over-rides the excessive self-control that deforms their social patterns.

Sagittarius: The Archer

Sagittarius distributes its energy far and wide. Sagittarius primary function is to distribute the vision of its ideal as far and wide as possible. The rider stops just long enough to set fire to each house or heart before moving on. What is missing is a permanence of exchange, a depth and duration of intersection. This missing portion of life is partially responsible for the many Sagittarian excesses. Too many drugs and too much sex is a way for Sagittarians to temporarily overcome their knowledge that they must march onward and actually share an experience, rather than just providing a spectacle. This leads to a variety of bizarre attachments to people and places that only surface when Sagittarius loses conscious control. The revelry that may start in the name of good times often deepens into the surfacing of a deep and terrible need for human contact. Drugs that keep Sagittarius thinking that everything can be controlled and therefore do not expose them to this vulnerability are often favored (addiction to sobriety is possible). In other cases, obsession with the few experiences that create intimacy, however intimate, is also common.

Capricorn: The Sea-Goat

Capricorn knows its way around tight spaces and narrowed choices. Its this very placement in space and time that disposes Capricorn to its style of self undoing. A sometimes too-acute sense of reality leads to complete reality-denial, with the same crusty foot-planted stance Capricorn takes on practical matters. This attitude often becomes a "I can do whatever I want" stubborn-ness that, in fact, means, "I can do exactly what I think is a terrible idea." Capricorn is big on using up material resources for unnecessary extravagance as a way of cutting the ground out from under themselves, and making their ambitions impossible to achieve. Gambling and a whole host of chemical abuses are preferred methods of autodeconstruction.

Aquarius: The Water Bearer

Aquarius' plunge into the personal abyss of self-undoing is often most evident in their material position. The constrained material position that cannot do justice to Aquarian ideas comes about for several reasons. First, it creates a situation where the experimental ideas that occur to Aquarius will never have to be tested for value, thus allowing the Aquarian to continue an unblemished connection to the theoretical purity of their ideal. A constrained situation is also a result of a deep misunderstanding of human organization. The stated Aquarian ideal of justice and equality is contradicted by a deeply alienated and aristocratic disposition, wherein one believes that other cannot possibly be like them. This leads to a bifurcation in self-esteem, where the self, not able to be equal, is assumed to be either inferior or superior to others. The ideal of quality is a fantasy wherein the painful question itself dissolves.

Pisces: The Fishes

Pisces rivals Virgo for King/Queen of self-defeating behavior. Pisces' quest to redeem the residents of the exotic and terrifying layers of the psyche makes them inherently vulnerable to them. The residents of these layers are the root of self-undoing behaviors, such as addictions. Pisces is fated to deal with these characters, either by consciously putting them to work or being lionized by them. When Pisces has accepted this facet of fate, they are prone to anything which will dull the often sharp edges of their exploration's emotional impact. When they are in denial of the ultimate necessity of blending the yin and yang of psychological life, addictive behavior becomes even worse. It is not dark or light that Pisces must choose between, but the choice between both or one. If Pisces picks dark, it loses its transformative power and drowns in lightless depths, whereas when they choose only to side with the light, they become the most irritating bible bangers, proselytizing their pseudo-salvation. Addiction for Pisces takes any and all forms, but the root is an addiction to a set of beliefs which deny the polarity and dynamism of their experience.

Disclaimer: If you do not take every word of these horoscopes into you with the utmost faith, you will die. Statistics bear this out. Simply scan the newspapers. You will find that an overwhelming majority of the people that die each week DID NOT read the Baron's horoscopes. If your newspaper or your mom's website are interested in publishing the Baron's weekly prophetics, shoot this old guy an email at Dr.Coppockalypse@gmail.com. The Baron is also available for birthdays, weddings, funerals and orgies.

COPYRIGHT 2006 ABYSSAL EPISTLES