Saturday, November 24, 2007

Baron Classics: Self-Undoing

The Zodiac of Self-Undoing

The Baron deigns to delineate a general mandala to help dredge the deeps of each signs addictive direction. Note: These are directions, not absolute predictions. They outline a faultline common to whatever force operates in the style suggested by the sign.



Aries: The Ram

Aries addiction is focused on a variety of subconscious barriers that prevent them from manifesting their real potential. This addiction to lazy-ness and time wasting generally focuses on indulging in premature experiences of potential realized instead of the painstaking work of trudging towards said potential. Potential is projected onto fictional characters and personal heroes who are kept separate from personal potential. Instead of providing a light house by which to guide personal development, instead, they define the limit of growth. Excessive consumption of anti-hero media and idolization of cartoon characters is symptom. Also, drugs taken to replicate a more advanced state than the Aries has actually attained is common, making for unstable performance and dependence on aids for proper manifestation.



Taurus: The Bull

For Taurus, the temptation to laziness and pleasure is easy to identify, though it is not so much a problem as much as danger of success. The real barrier to success in the case of many Tauruses stems from impatience, and the vestigial belief that all affairs and people can be muscled through. Though the Taurus has a somewhat placid surface, there is a tendency to push the people in their life around. This secret selfishness creates a tangle of half-conscious passive aggressive conflicts with people who feel bullied, but often don't exactly know why. This situation leads to escapism by creating a superficial peace via overconsumption of food, overindulgence in sex, and wallowing in chemical habits that erase the harsh lines of the underlying conflicts which stab upward into awareness.



Gemini: The Twins

For Gemini, what lurks beneath the conscious level is the earth itself. Gemini's ability to soar into self-created realms is juxtaposed by the chilling drops back to things-the-way-they-are. These flips from potency to imprisonment are easily understood by means of the myth of the twins, one dark and one light. These drops into the darkness of impotence create a fear that all that Gemini creates lasts only as long as the mania which powers it. This often sets up a deep insecurity regarding the value of the Gemini's work, as well as questions about the ability to follow through and complete anything. This set of fears often drives people with strong planets in Gemini to go to unhealthy lengths to stay aloft and hyper-energized. Addictions to stimulants, mind-enhancing chemicals of all types, and overconsumption of fast-food entertainment are common methods of avoiding the dreaded drops. These, however, prevent Gemini from reaching a state of integrated power by artificially widening the manic-depressive divide.



Cancer: The Cancer

For Cancer, the issues from which addiction springs are those of a divided heart-mind. The inherent urge to set down deep emotional roots (or tentacles) is problematized by a deep uncertainty about the object of attachment. This leads to a boiling subconscious sea of doubts and contradictory behavior. Attempts to avoid or quell these doubts artificially are often the type of addictive or self-imprisoning behavior. Chemicals or artificial experiences that return the Cancer to a simplified, emotionally oriented approach to life are typical. Alcohol and other downers are a good tool for this. These regressive experiences create a repressed set of contradictory motivations that sometimes boil over into quasi-psychotic behavior that destroys the very connections that they consciously nurture, sometimes by forming an opposing and exclusive set of connections, like having 2 families.


Leo: The Lion

For Leo, a fear of dependence is often the root issue behind self-destructive, self-imprisoning, and addictive behavior Beneath the sunshine of self-empowerment, Leo is often paralyzed by knowledge of its origins. The tender emergence from the childhood shell as well as all people and energy that go into making the successful Leo radiant is both a blind and soft spot. The dependence of the performer on the audience, and the dependence of nobility on the people ruled is the dependence that Leo often turns away from. This creates a false confidence, a insecure and therefore hungry egotism, and a destructive narcissicism. Leo's self-destructive behavior loop is to create a dramatized play of self-destruction, which they will perform in order to garner the support and care that they consciously deny that they need. Other, more self-controlled Leos may take a dictatorial role in relationships, "making" those close to them take care of them. The coercive nature of this dynamic prevents them from feeling dependent, since they "control" the support given to them.



Virgo: The Virgin

Virgo is a sign concerned with intelligent manipulation of the material environment, both internal and external, body and world. The constant act of self reconfiguration makes Virgo rather prone to addictive issues, but also wise in the ways of overcoming them. Virgo's sticking point is often self-esteem. Virgo is often so highly praised for function that become insecure about value of the central and target-less light of self. The resulting addiction to functionality and negligent self-respect is often the basis for issues. An exaggerated case takes drugs to become the perfect tool needed by their life, and then takes drugs to recover from that. They may also take drugs to avoid the mode of consciousness mandated by function. Missing the whole time is a relaxed acceptance of self. Virgo is the pill-popper of the zodiac, with a medicine bag and tool kit designed to chemically alter them into the proper tool for the occasion.



Libra: The Scales

Libra's self destructive behaviors are easy to recognize: laziness, excessive pleasure seeking, and over involvement in doomed relationships. The origin of this behavior is rarely the pleasure of the act, but often comes from a sincere desire to avoid any real work. A disdain for solitary, uninspired drudgery is paramount. This often includes careful work on any creation, most especially the self. There is often an unconscious belief that they do not have the capability to bring anything to completion. Editing and perfecting bring up this insecurity, and projects are abandoned in favor of something fun, something that does not bring up deep insecurities.


Scorpio: The Scorpion

For Scorpio, condemned behavior is reputed to be the norm. But taboo behavior is not the same as self-destructive behavior. Scorpio's direction is to unearth the pearls of wisdom buried within banned books and outlawed behaviors. Daliance with illegal substances is by no means the same as self-undoing. For Scorpio, the set of issues that turns flirting with death into heavy petting is usually loneliness. Being made to make its own way, Scorpio is equipped with the tools to ignore idiots and drive straight to the personal core of the matter, regardless of opinion. The very boldness that makes Scorpio what it is also drives others away and destroys social harmony. Scorpio's numerous unmet social needs deform their explorations. Bloating relationships with inappropriate intensity on one hand, and avoiding normal, balanced, relationships on the other hand is common. Alcohol is a Scorpio favorite, as it over-rides the excessive self-control that deforms their social patterns.


Sagittarius: The Archer

Sagittarius distributes its energy far and wide. Sagittarius primary function is to distribute the vision of its ideal as far and wide as possible. The rider stops just long enough to set fire to each house or heart before moving on. What is missing is a permanence of exchange, a depth and duration of intersection. This missing portion of life is partially responsible for the many Sagittarian excesses. Too many drugs and too much sex is a way for Sagittarians to temporarily overcome their knowledge that they must march onward and actually share an experience, rather than just providing a spectacle. This leads to a variety of bizarre attachments to people and places that only surface when Sagittarius loses conscious control. The revelry that may start in the name of good times often deepens into the surfacing of a deep and terrible need for human contact. Drugs that keep Sagittarius thinking that everything can be controlled and therefore do not expose them to this vulnerability are often favored (addiction to sobriety is possible). In other cases, obsession with the few experiences that create intimacy, however intimate, is also common.



Capricorn: The Sea-Goat

Capricorn knows its way around tight spaces and narrowed choices. Its this very placement in space and time that disposes Capricorn to its style of self undoing. A sometimes too-acute sense of reality leads to complete reality-denial, with the same crusty foot-planted stance Capricorn takes on practical matters. This attitude often becomes a "I can do whatever I want" stubborn-ness that, in fact, means, "I can do exactly what I think is a terrible idea." Capricorn is big on using up material resources for unnecessary extravagance as a way of cutting the ground out from under themselves, and making their ambitions impossible to achieve. Gambling and a whole host of chemical abuses are preferred methods of autodeconstruction.


Aquarius: The Water Bearer

Aquarius' plunge into the personal abyss of self-undoing is often most evident in their material position. The constrained material position that cannot do justice to Aquarian ideas comes about for several reasons. First, it creates a situation where the experimental ideas that occur to Aquarius will never have to be tested for value, thus allowing the Aquarian to continue an unblemished connection to the theoretical purity of their ideal. A constrained situation is also a result of a deep misunderstanding of human organization. The stated Aquarian ideal of justice and equality is contradicted by a deeply alienated and aristocratic disposition, wherein one believes that other cannot possibly be like them. This leads to a bifurcation in self-esteem, where the self, not able to be equal, is assumed to be either inferior or superior to others. The ideal of quality is a fantasy wherein the painful question itself dissolves.


Pisces: The Fishes

Pisces rivals Virgo for King/Queen of self-defeating behavior. Pisces' quest to redeem the residents of the exotic and terrifying layers of the psyche makes them inherently vulnerable to them. The residents of these layers are the root of self-undoing behaviors, such as addictions. Pisces is fated to deal with these characters, either by consciously putting them to work or being lionized by them. When Pisces has accepted this facet of fate, they are prone to anything which will dull the often sharp edges of their exploration's emotional impact. When they are in denial of the ultimate necessity of blending the yin and yang of psychological life, addictive behavior becomes even worse. It is not dark or light that Pisces must choose between, but the choice between both or one. If Pisces picks dark, it loses its transformative power and drowns in lightless depths, whereas when they choose only to side with the light, they become the most irritating bible bangers, proselytizing their pseudo-salvation. Addiction for Pisces takes any and all forms, but the root is an addiction to a set of beliefs which deny the polarity and dynamism of their experience.


Disclaimer: If you do not take every word of these horoscopes into you with the utmost faith, you will die. Statistics bear this out. Simply scan the newspapers. You will find that an overwhelming majority of the people that die each week DID NOT read the Baron's horoscopes. If your newspaper or your mom's website are interested in publishing the Baron's weekly prophetics, shoot this old guy an email at Dr.Coppockalypse@gmail.com. The Baron is also available for birthdays, weddings, funerals and orgies.


COPYRIGHT 2006 ABYSSAL EPISTLES

Baron Classics: Relationships

(W)HOROSCOPES!

The Baron tells it like it is about the 12 tribes of the zodiac in the state of relationship. You know in your heart you've always wanted it. It's time for (w)horoscopes, bitches!

Special Note: For double-plus good reading fun, remember to read the (w)horoscope of someone you despise as well as yourself. It will make you feel better.


Aries: You're Invincible!

You're so tough! Your spit-fire spirit just never lets up. No, that's not true. It consistently crashes and burns, as your inflated expectations smash into the hard brick wall of reality. You're left bleeding and unconscious. You tend to wake up in bed, magically bandaged and ready to get back to the battlefield. But its not magic. It's the people close to you who prop you up and patch you up when you're broken and battered. You won't lose people's love or admiration if you drop the tough guy/girl act, you'll earn it.


Taurus: Meatsy

You are not being used. And if you are, it's probably your own goddamn fault. Offering yourself up like a financially solid slab of roast beast has its own consequences.

Gemini: Cut the Inner Dialogue

You are not that interesting. Your thoughts are not that important. I know that you are interest-ed in getting to know yourself better, but that's because you are a shattered mirror of a person, and hope that by gazing at your reflection in each and every sharpened fragment you will someday regain unity. As exciting as your psychological odyssey may be to you, it bores the shit out of your loved and liked ones to hear you narrate the pointless conversations that go on within your head. Get out of your narcissistic self dialogue and speak to the people in your life like they're something other than an audience for your inner drama.

Cancer: No Use Crying Over Poured Milk

Take a step back. You have a dream of being able to pour yourself endlessly into another person, and having them pour back into you. Like water exchanged to and fro between two (of) cups. This wet dream leaves no place for any independence or identity from the relationship. It is almost impossible to extricate water from one cup that's been poured into another. Some of your dreams of losing your ego into other people are romanticized escapism and a premature mysticism. Wanting independence from the relationship does not mean that they don't care. It means that they are normal, healthy, and sane, and want to stay that way. .


Leo: The Heart's Crematorium

You can be a gentle centered light, beaming warmth into all those around you. You can also be a hungry bonfire of vanity, out of control and unable to meet your own oppressive ego needs. Those close to you often get tossed into the furnace of your self-image. Remember to pour a little bit of that 40 oz on the ground for those who support and feed the staggering weight of your self-importance in times of need.

Virgo: Ah, Perfection

You do all the right things. Just like a robot! How often your selfless acts of service become belittling guilt-trips. Favors become razor cuts, slowly draining the life blood from the partnership until your partner is just as lifeless, perfect and pose-able as a mannequin. There's more to love than doing the dishes for someone.

Libra: Place-Holder

You are a co-dependent weakling. You don't always get attached to one person, and may even spend periods of time alone, but you're rarely able to function effectively without someone else to define you. You romanticize your psychological dependence on people in order to justify your relationships and make your partners feel special when they are often just place-holders. Try seeing yourself without another person.

Scorpio: Gross Injustice (Yuck)

Your presence bribes people with the promise of a hot, dirty coiling of flesh and energy. You can give up to the moment, but the rest of the time you focus maniacally on controlling the emotional exchange. Your preferred formula goes something like this: You inject your every negative moment into the other, and suck what little happiness they have out of them to replenish yourself when you're feeling low. You get their good, they get your bad. There is a deep, fear based, inequality in the way that you deal with people in personal relationships.

Sagittarius: Theoretical Problems in Astrology

Relationships, you? Sag, how did you get into this column? Shouldn't you be off chasin' tail? Supposing its possible for you to find itself in a serious relationship, there would be problems. You would probably ignore the person before and after sexy-time. You would probably also have a hard time seeing the relationship from any perspective but your own idealized, myopic one. Your partner would also probably also suffer greatly at the expense of your narcicissm and impossible self-image. This is all hypothetical, of course.

Capricorn: After 5000 Years, I'm FREE!

You're wonderful. At first. Put together and tight laced, you're on your best behavior until you've gotten a commitment from someone. Then the seal is broken, and the ancient demon is released from its terrible prison. This demon is intent on creating misery. It doesn't seem to care whether its you or the other person that's miserable, as long as somebody's helpless and in pain. Show the person you're close to a fraction of the respect you'd show your boss, and keep the devil on a leash.

Aquarius: Blah Blah Blah

You're smart. Well, you think a lot. That's something. I guess. Regardless, you somehow seem to be able to fit every event in a relationship into a gigantic over-arching super-structure of explanations and rationalizations. It all makes sense to you. And it better make sense to your loved ones in exactly the same way. Either that, or they're in for long, boring tirades where you "explain" the relationship. Why does it have to be explained?


Pisces: Poor You!

You are good at relationships. It is just by COMPLETE COINCIDENCE that everyone that you're in a relationship with isn't. Don't change. There's nothing wrong with you except your "luck." And that's not your fault, is it?


Disclaimer: If you do not take every word of these horoscopes into you with the utmost faith, you will die. Statistics bear this out. Simply scan the newspapers. You will find that an overwhelming majority of the people that die each week DID NOT read the Baron's horoscopes.

If your newspaper or your mom's website are interested in publishing the Baron's weekly prophetics, shoot this old guy an email at Dr.Coppockalypse@gmail.com. The Baron is also available for birthdays, weddings, funerals and orgies.

Copyright 2006 Abyssal Epistles

Astrology Nov. 19-25: Status Report

Disclaimer: If you do not take every word of these horoscopes with the utmost faith, you will die. Statistics bear this out. Simply scan the newspapers. You will find that an overwhelming majority of the people that die each week DID NOT read the Baron's horoscopes.


Vol. 114: Status Report

This week the Sun moves into Sagittarius on Friday, just after Thanksgiving, followed shortly by a Full Moon on Saturday. This shifts some of the spotlight away from the clinging problems produced by Mars Retrograde and onto the potential benefits promised Jupiter in Sagittarius. And it is here, between cloying conflicts and a success just over the horizon, that we will stay for the next several weeks.

Mars Retrograde: Well Spoken

Last week Mars went retrograde, making what astrologers call a phasis, an "appearance that speaks." And speak he did. Within 24 hours of Mars going retrograde, Chile experienced a 7.7 earthquake, and a massive typhoon pounded the unfortunate country of Bangladesh.

Instead increasing in volume, the internecine conflict between the democratic party went retrograde at the widely watched democratic debate in Las Vegas, Nevada. Instead of being goaded forward to tear pieces from one another, the candidates, especially John Edwards, were booed for their mudslinging attacks. Mars retrograde, indeed.

This retraction of a combative stance is characteristic of the retrograde. It is Mars' usual office to aid people in asserting their identities. It is an energy that provides support for the activities of the ego. Retrograde, Mars suggests a retraction of the ego in order to prevail in the many conflicts that have emerged in the lead up to Mars' retrograde.

On a personal level, it is as if Mars has entered the underworld in order to be reborn. Just as Venus entered an underworld this summer, Mars enters into a period where he retracts his energies from the current conflicts and walks through a twilight state of transformation. Pursuit of unnecessary conflicts will be especially disastrous during the coming months.

Jupiter and Pluto: Big Shots

After Mars' speaking appearance, the Sun moves out of Mars' nightside domicile, Scorpio, and enters Sagittarius. As we adjust to the strange situation of a retrograde Mars, concerns shift to Jupiter. As Scorpio is the charnel storehouse of Mars, Sagittarius is Jupiter's hyperactive crackhouse. Jupiter, in Sagittarius since last December, is headed for a conjunction early this December with Pluto.

This conjunction with Pluto is especially important, as Jupiter makes this conjunction just before Pluto enters Capricorn, where the dark lord will take up his throne for the next 15 years. Pluto sets up camp in the infernal spaces beneath and beyond the sign he occupies, placing a powerful, mysterious and potentially dangerous undertone on the operations of that particular sign for the entire time he reigns there.

Jupiter conjuncts Pluto every 12 years, with a variety of interesting effects. For those born under its auspices, it can denote a tremendous ambition. It is interesting that the 2 richest men in America, Bill Gates and Warren Buffet, were both born with Jupiter-Pluto conjunctions. Along the same lines, the time surrounding the conjunction is also considered a fine time to open a business, as the tangle of energies that enriches can be harnessed, even if one was not born under them. Caught up with Mars, as it is, the pending Jupiter-Pluto conjunction suggests that confrontations regarding nuclear arsenals are likely to heat up again, with North Korea and Iran both set to re-enter the limelight over the next month.

Horoscopes: November 19th-25th

Note on Horoscopes: 12 Fold horoscopes are a way to assess the general condition of the splayed rays of the zodiac. Although not without value, they are a blunt tool, and can only describe the archetypal activity in each power-zone. In order to sharpen the accuracy of the horoscopes, read your Sun Sign if you were born during the day-time, and read your Moon Sign if you were born at night. Reading the Sign in which the Ascendant is placed is always advised.

Aries: You Are Not Alexander, This Is Not The Gordian Knot

Mars' retrograde turn sent many Aries into a panic. The old tricks aren't working, and pushing them harder isn't going to help. During the next few months, your personal power will be in a state of transformation. Not only that, but the form emerging is a strange one, and full of the contradictions one might find in kung-fu movies. "By embracing softness, you will truly become impenetrable." Things like that. Especially highlighted are your relationships. Radical moves to remove yourself from tangled situations will not be effective.


Taurus: "Moo" Is A Sound, Not A Word

Taurus, your social spheres of activity are all lit up like southern California. Communications, most likely regarding a romantic interest, that have been troubled for over a month become clear later in the week, likely prompting a new approach to the situation. If you haven't improved, or at least recognized the need for improvement in your communications, especially your tone, then the following weeks will bring you more evidence of this particularly deficiency.


Gemini: Work, Play, Work

The Sun's movement into Sagittarius lights up your relationships to others and brings a more social tone to the next month, beyond what Thanksgiving gatherings will bring. Your mind is likely bound up in matters of work and problems-solving small financial and physical issues. The Baron recommends balancing your work regimen with the fun provided for by Venus in Libra. Balance is the key word here, because current planetary positions make it easy for you to lose your mind to pleasurable engagements.


Cancer: Little Pinchy Adjustments

As has been promised, Mars has gone retrograde in your sign. The problems that have arisen over the last 2 months connected to issues of self assertion and anger are now in a position to be dealt with. And by dealt with, I do not mean attacked. In fact, you will profit immensely during the coming months by taking an "empty" stance in relationship to others. You will further your aims more effectively by adjusting others subtly towards your viewpoint rather than openly stating your position. If it helps, imagine your little invisible crab minions making pinchy adjustments on everyone you need them to.


Leo: Reinforcements

Leo, as it stands, you sign is hemmed in by problems. Before you are financial difficulties, and vying for a clear shot at your back are a host of personal demons- both your own and other people's. But all is not lost. The Sun's movement into fellow fire-sign Sagittarius this Friday marshals reinforcements to your aid. Heightened vitality and a more positive outlook arrive, and with them an unusual new perspective on conflict mediation.


Virgo: Fortified Position

The Sun's movement into Sagittarius this Friday shifts the spotlight in your life to your home and foundations. With Saturn having arrived in your sign only a few months ago and Mars having gone retrograde in Cancer, its likely that you need to reconfigure your foundations in order to accommodate the changes in progress. With all the bullshit flying around, consider converting your living room into a fortified bomb-shelter, with arrow-slits and vats of boiling oil to help repel couch-invaders.


Libra: Bubble of Balance

Libra, you remain a buoy of balance in the swirling seas of suck. Well, you could remain a buoy of balance, if you felt like it. The current trial for Libra is to utilize the balance coming their way to help mediate the myriad conflicts around them, rather than withdrawing into an insulated bubble of equilibrium. Criticizing the people in your life for being stupid is not enough, you have to help them not be stupid. Consider letting people cling to you. For a change.


Scorpio: Paranoia Carapace

Happy Birthday to the ass-end of the Scorpios. Or should I say tail-end. Prepare to be passed over in favor of turkey-fueled gluttony. You're used to it by now, right? Regarding your forecast, the skies look likely to continue a slow drizzle of feces into your life. Behind the scenes, your worldview is undergoing a painful metamorphosis into something a little less insulated and paranoid. The great and terrible gods have decided to do this by exposing you to just how insulated and paranoid you are. As a thought, try to react to these realizations without insulating yourself with paranoia.


Sagittarius: Working For The Man

Happy birthday, Sagittarius. This year, your fears will disappear, and all of your dreams will come true. Just kidding. If your dreams came true, the world would be a much more irritating place for the rest of us. The Full Moon following immediately after the Sun's entrance into Sagittarius indicates a busy month spent trying to meet your life's many minute requirements. Yes, Sagittarius, you'll be working for Saturn this month. So make sure to dot your i and cross your t's.


Capricorn: Open Positions

Owing to Venus in Libra's influence, Capricorn is currently in a better position than the rest of the zodiacal tribes. However, Mars' retrograde in Cancer will be busy reconfiguring your both your social sphere and what you consider your home base for the next few months. Friends are more likely to be exiting your life than entering at the present moment. Don't fret, they're creating openings that will be filled at a later time. However, you may have to wait until your birthday before you begin interviewing candidates.


Aquarius: Friends In The Right Places

Work and career continue to be the primarily areas of action for you, Aquarius. You are currently making the communications and connections necessary to adjust to the period of change in that area. The Sun's movement into Sagittarius shifts the monthly spotlight onto friends and comrades and opportunities they hold that you may have missed out on earlier in the year.


Pisces: Better Late Than Never

The entrance of the Sun into Sagittarius indicates a key career month for Pisces. It would be gravy, but Saturn in Virgo presents a host of difficulties for you to overcome in the coming week, many of the social. Being quirky and creative is great, but you also need a work ethic and quantifiable results. Scheduling is an important issue, and so is focusing on product rather than process. Establish a good rhythm and you will increase your chances for success.


Services: If you'd like a personal consultation with the man behind the mask, message the Baron's mortal vehicle at Xroadsconsultations@gmail.com. The Baron is also available for birthdays, weddings, funerals and orgies.

Copyright 2007 Abyssal Epistles
Sol in Scorpio, Luna in Aries

REMEMBER!

...if you like your prophecy extra-tasty/crispy...

SUBSCRIBE!