Astrology Dec. 10th-16th: Empires' Tide

ABYSSAL EPISTLES
The Astrology of Baron Samadhi von Coppockalypse, Ph.D

Disclaimer: If you do not take every word of these horoscopes with the utmost faith, you will die. Statistics bear this out. Simply scan the newspapers. You will find that an overwhelming majority of the people that die each week DID NOT read the Baron's horoscopes.

Volume 117: Empires' Tide

This week, we take a break from our focus on the personal implications of the planet's positions to consider something on a larger scale. This Tuesday hosts the conjunction of Jupiter with Pluto in Sagittarius. This rare event occurs only once every 250 years or so. Jupiter's conjunction with Pluto in Sagittarius is attuned to the life cycles of the collective, and marks a decisive shift in the currents of world history.

When Mars stationed retrograde last month, there were earthquakes and typhoons within the very day. Although it may color the day, the Jupiter-Pluto conjunction in Sag is a historical marker, not simply a single or quick string of events. Each time it occurs, the form of world power begins to shift. An empire, representing a type of power, starts to decay while another, representing the new form of power begins to rise. A quick look at the outlines of Western history during the last 3 of these conjunctions will make the pattern clear.

Jupiter-Pluto conjunction in Sagittarius, 1260 AD:

In 1260, the Mongol Empire began its decline, facing its first decisive defeat by the Mamluks, at Ain Jalut in Palestine. Kublai Khan succeeds mighty Ghenghis Khan, and presides over the Mongol's waning years. Meanwhile, in Europe, the rising hegemony of the Church is marked by the completion of the Cathedral at Chartres, an achievement that took decades to complete. Construction on 3 more cathedral projects begins soon after. These cathedrals marks the growing power of the Church as the dominant force which binds all of Europe. Papal hegemony up, Mongols down!

Jupiter-Pluto conjunction in Sagittarius, 1509 AD:

The next conjunction of Jupiter and Pluto in Sagittarius happens in 1509. Just as 1260 marked the hegemony of papal power with the Cathedral at Chartres and the decline of the Mongol threat, 1509 hosts 2 events which mark the end of Church ascendancy in Europe. The first is the coronation of England's notorious Henry the VIII. Henry the VIII was the first European monarch who broke from Vatican power and established state control of religion. The Church of England, the first successful large scale revolt against Rome and is considered to have paved the way for the Reformation. It is also interesting to note that Erasmus' Praise of Folly was also written in 1509. Praise of Folly was a wildly popular satire of the Church considered to be one of the seeds of the Reformation. European Papal power, which was on the rise during the last Jupiter-Pluto conjunction in Sagittarius, now gives way to the sovereignty of the European nations, who spend the next several centuries in ruthless pursuit of every part of the world they can get their hands on. Dueling Monarchies up, Papal power down!

Jupiter-Pluto conjunction in Sagittarius, 1758 AD:

1758 is smack dab in the middle of the 7 Years war, whose immediate consequence was to dethrone France from its position at the head of the European pack. In the following years, both France and England's New World colony undergo bloody Democratic revolutions where the Monarchy itself is overthrown. Although England jumps into the top-spot after France, the shift in power here is not simply from France to England. England becomes the world's first global super-power, a position later usurped by its former colony, the United States. Capitalist super-powers up, dueling Monarchies down!

Jupiter-Pluto conjunction in Sagittarius, 2007 AD:

Which brings us to the present. The United States, the winner of the last round's game, is currently in the middle of what may very well be a "7 Year War," and is facing a host of problems, both internal and external. Health care and education are both in dire need of reform, while slumbering economic titans India, China, and Russia are beginning to stir. Does this mean the end of the United States? Certainly not. But it does mark the end of the era of the Global Capitalist Superpower, begun by England at the last Jupiter-Pluto conjunction in Sagittarius. The world emerging will be shared by many giants, not ruled by one. It is the beginning of Global Feudalism, where the nuclear and economic heavy-weights jockey for control of the world and its resources. It is the world foreseen by cyber-punk writers and post-modern theorists, a world of international corporate feudalism. A world of global tribes. World peace? World government? Not a chance. Check in at the next Jupiter-Pluto conjunction in Sag, 250 years from now. Perhaps then we'll see Karl Marx's prophesied transition from capitalism to communism.

If we examine these roughly 250 year periods, we notice that there is an alternation between periods of unity and multiplicity. The West is united under the Church, whose power dissolves, leaving a pack of competing powers. Then the age of competing powers is overwhelmed by the emergence of the global super-power. The era we are on the cusp of is analogous to the last transition from unity to multiplicity, when the Church's hegemony over Europe was broken and the era of competing European nations ensued. Call it Colonization 2.0.

This is a gigantic topic. Little can be done in this constrained format but to scratch the surface of the political, religious, cultural and economic character of this shift. It is important to note that although the Jupiter-Pluto conjunction marks turning points, it is Pluto's movement into Capricorn in the following decades that sees the structure of the old systems decay while those of the new gain ascendancy.

Now back to your regularly scheduled horoscopes.

Horoscopes: December 10^th-16^th

Note on Horoscopes: 12 Fold horoscopes are a way to assess the general condition of the splayed rays of the zodiac. Although not without value, they are a blunt tool, and can only describe the archetypal activity in each power-zone. In order to sharpen the accuracy of the horoscopes, read your Sun Sign if you were born in the day-time, and read your Moon Sign if you were born at night. Reading the Sign in which the Ascendant is placed is also advised.

Aries: Misguided Missiles

The Sagittarian season is a generally jollier time for you than the cold tunnel of Scorpio. And although a multitude of planets throng about in Sagittarius, Venus is still creeping through Scorpio. You're likely being led to a heightened understanding of how your misguided missiles are impacting those around you. Although you are subject to these lessons in further self-limitation, the general levity of the time will prevent you from getting lost down any holes.

Taurus: Want

Perhaps you could do without the level of unnecessary levity the Sagittarian season brings. The focus for Taurus is still quite squarely set upon the subject of the desire that you're ensnared in. You're likely unsure whether your current obsession is worth your time or if you're trying to dig a tunnel to a treasure that doesn't exist. Venus' coming trine to Uranus will provide the illumination you need in this particular matter.

Gemini: Habit Formation Pattern

The amount of Sagittarius present in the season has had you looking at yourself from angle usually reserved for others. The Sagittarian season may also be temporarily accelerating the rate at which you partake of your bad habits. There are prizes to be won and cash to be had in limiting the amount of time and energy you spend on habits that you see little return from. Think about it.

Cancer: Walk The Line, Sideways

This time is somewhat less joyous for the Cancers than the other tribes of the zodiac. It's likely that you feel awhirl in a series of draining interactions. This particular set of difficulties is in the process of testing and refining your set of responses to having your shell pierced. You will profit by addressing problematic interactions but will cause greater pains for yourself by getting caught in a fight.

Leo: We Don't Negotiate With Leos

Good times and holiday cheer are fine mood altering substances for Leos. But there is a circle of draining and unpleasant interactions coloring your emotional life right now that detracts from otherwise pleasant times. The root of these likely lies in bargains you've made with people and parts of yourself that you never should have negotiated with. Live and learn.

Virgo: Roots

The abundance of planets in Sagittarius likely signifies a number of powerful and positive changes taking place at your foundations. It may be a positive change of residence or simply a replanting of your emotional roots. At the same time, your social circle is looking troubled. Powerful but untrustworthy social contacts may be offering benefits that are not likely to last.

Libra: Weighed Down

The holiday season sees you out and about at social events, but you're having a difficult time getting your Libra on. The stress from your retrograde professional situation is likely affecting your ability to hold on to the mood you'd like to have at your disposal. Don't let moments of imbalance weigh too heavily on one side of the scales. Your perspective on the situation is soon to change.

Scorpio: Flux Capacitor

Venus' ongoing visit through Scorpio's dark abode and the bonanza of planets in Sagittarius indicate a rather tight focus on financial issues, with the likelihood of an opportunity unveiling itself. Despite positive developments, your situation is still in the midst of a several month period where your perspective as well as your location may be in flux. Let go of limiting emotional perspectives and move with things.

Sagittarius: Joop-Joop!

Happy birthday, Sagittarius-es. Consider the holiday explosion of Sagittarius in the skies to be a going away for Jupiter, who has graced your sign for all of 2007. You can thank Jupiter for the extra positivity in your perspective, as well as any get out of jail free cards you may have received this year. What? Not everything went as you wanted it to? Too bad. When Jupiter moves into Capricorn, you'll have even less support. Don't expect the planetary powers to do everything for you.

Capricorn: Black Holes and Quasars

There are both bright and dark stars rising on the horizon for Capricorn. Jupiter's coming movement into Capricorn will provide an entire year of bonus luck for enacting whatever plans you may have, either nefarious or boring. Pluto, on the other hand, will insert a dark and unpredictable element to things for years to come. Regardless, you're moving closer to a situation you innately understand how to work within.

Aquarius: Sticky

As the year winds its way into the holidays you find your finances and professional situation tied into a difficult web of problematic emotional and energetic exchanges. The necessary insight into how to handle these worrisome connections is emerging this week, and should present you with the proper perspective to handle your mutating affairs effectively.

Pisces: Sans Puke

Underneath all this holiday revelry there is a darker undercurrent of problematic emotional exchanges and energetic interactions that you've been subject to, Pisces. The necessary insight to deal with these irritations is on the way this week. In the meantime, you'll have to content yourself to appreciate the aspects of Sagittarian revelry you can handle without vomiting.

Services: If you'd like a personal consultation with the man behind the mask, message the Baron's mortal vehicle at Xroadsconsultations@gmail.com. The Baron is also available for birthdays, weddings, funerals and orgies.

COPYRIGHT ABYSSAL EPISTLES 2007

Sol in Sagittarius , Luna in Capricorn

Astrology 25th-2nd: Snow Globe Stasis

Disclaimer: If you do not take every word of these horoscopes with the utmost faith, you will die. Statistics bear this out. Simply scan the newspapers. You will find that an overwhelming majority of the people that die each week DID NOT read the Baron's horoscopes.

Vol. 115: Snow Globe Stasis

This week events manifest along the guidelines laid down in previous weeks, with one small change. Uranus, retrograde for months previous, went direct last weekend, sending the creative spirit forward. The changes we feel brewing stir at a subconscious level, but aren’t quite ready to be midwifed into being. Let’s take a look at where things are holding before they change next week.

End Of ATunnel

Mercury tunnels his way through the last degrees of Scorpio, bringing communications to the depths of personal relationships not quite addressed yet. This is troubled territory, where Mercury would like to speak words that need not be spoken during better times. But time, unlike space, is not up to us. And this is not the time. You will benefit by keeping toxic thoughts to yourself and negotiations courteous.

A Snow-Globe, Or Two

Retrograde in the first decanate of Cancer, Mars is walling people up inside emotional snow globes. Although some are engaged in outright battles, the rest are trying to avoid what they cannot repair through engagement. These force-fields of isolation and difference are armor sadly necessary at times.

A Freudian hangover infects the culture, suggesting that we air every complaint in the name of self-exploration and emotional depth. The current circumstances do not favor this underlying orthodoxy. There are therapeutic places, in time as well as space, and although the background energies have woken a number of slumbering feuds, this is not the time to work through them all, because they have not fully emerged.

By unearthing all of our current concerns, we risk the folly of attempting to solve the issues without fully understanding them. Our solutions will likely be as premature as our understanding of the problem.

Four Swords Sit Still

Venus shines from the end of Libra into these affairs. Venus counsels an uneasy truce where true peace is not possible. We must accept the missed messages of the present, and participate in it until it becomes the near future.

Mars is deep in his underworld, busy burrowing far beneath our defenses. Thought causing the occasional surface earthquake in the daylight world, he is still weeks away from reaching the heart of affairs. Mars must tunnel back all the way through Cancer and then into Gemini before he’ll have found the root of the problem, and the true seed of his transformation.

In Gemini he will see these dark roots, the problem with the relationship between the twins. A hostility between dark and light that made it impossible for them to be harnessed to the chariot of the present. Currently striving under an ill-fitting yoke, the twins, as steeds, pull the chariot in too many directions- it goes no-where. Breaking up the team isn’t the answer. Great forward strides will not be made as a unit until the relationships between the members of the team have been transformed.

Horoscopes: Nov. 25^th – Dec. 2^nd

Note on Horoscopes: 12 Fold horoscopes are a way to assess the general condition of the splayed rays of the zodiac. Although not without value, they are a blunt tool, and can only describe the archetypal activity in each power-zone. In order to sharpen the accuracy of the horoscopes, read your Sun Sign if you were born in the day-time, and read your Moon Sign if you were born at night. Reading the Sign in which the Ascendant is placed is also advised.

Aries: Vacation From You

Aries, your impatience is a vice. Usually it’s a small one. But under the current conditions confrontation is likely to lead to useless explosions rather than resolution. It is not time to be honest, because the subject of your honesty is in the midst of transformation. Today’s honesty will be tommorow’s lie. So chill. Instead, the Baron advises planning a neglected sojourn to some far-flung landscape; material, astral, mental or otherwise.

Taurus: Swarm Dispersal

A cow is not complete without a swarm of flies surrounding it, harassing it. Over the last month, those insects have been harassing you with paranoid thoughts, sucking valuable time, energy, and blood. This will be the last week that the carnivorous swarm takes you attention, for come next week communications will take on a more direct tone that leaves less room for suspicion. So wait it out and stop swatting.


Gemini: A Coin For Each Eye

Gemini, last week’s Full Moon in your sign and the Sun’s entrance into Sagittarius puts the spotlight on your relationships with people. Jupiter’s presence in Sagittarius indicates that you’ve been given unusual opportunities to learn from people this year, but with those opportunities has come a hidden cost, indicated by Pluto. The price Pluto asks is different for each person. The question the Sun has come round to shine on is how you’ve responded to these opportunities, what cost you’ve either paid or refused, and whether its been worth it.

Cancer: Forget It

Cancer, you’re midway through a process through which the means by which you generate and understand power will be transformed. If you feel out of your element, it is because you are. Learning means taking on things you do not already comprehend. Opportunity hides in the details of a plan to re-engineer your vehicle. Open yourself to the empty spaces beyond what you’re comfortable with, and forget what you think you’re capable of.

Leo: Tar-Diver

Leo, the problem you thought you’d left behind isn’t gone yet. In fact, its only gotten closer. Its as if you’re doing battle with a tar pit, attempting to break the fossilized bones of your past. But your flailing only draws you deeper into it. Maybe there’s something in there you forgot about, or should forget about.

Virgo: Saturn Survival Tip

Dear Virgo, having Saturn in your sign sucks. The near presence of the reaper’s planet tends to cause the emergence of dire things both great and small. Saturn’s seeming malevolence is subtle, for it not only creates misfortunes, but like the gaze of Medusa, it hardens the witness to these events. One might argue that the true difficulty Saturn poses is not events themselves, but the petrifying effect they have on the mind that sees them. Minds have a way of replicating in reality what they have come to expect. So smile.

Libra: Mediator

It’s likely, Libra, that you’ve reached the limits of your peace-making abilities. Instead of hoping for deep harmony, it may be to your own, and others, advantage to consider the value of a cease-fire. A truce may be temporary, but it still provides real moments of peace. Don’t put yourself on the rack by trying to bridge extremes that won’t quit.

Scorpio: Toy Boat

A turbulent witches brew seethes below the foam of current events. It must bring a strange satisfaction and peace to see so many people attempting to tread the underworld waters whose struggles you already know so well. You know how to let the sewers run their course, so let it flow for a bit.

Sagittarius: Keep Your Arrows To Yourself

Happy birthday, Sagittarius. The stars have a few fine things to say about the year to come for those born this week. Abundant enthusiasm and ardor will strive to meet exacting professional standards.
For the rest of you, its still a game of keeping your gaze away from other people’s prizes. Unprofitable conflicts lies in the arms of others. Keep your bow and arrow pointed down your own path, Sagittarius, and you’ll be fine.

Capricorn: Head Down

Capricorn has been uprooted, and a certain change in terms of social circles is developing, but the real action has yet to come to the Cappies. As you have likely noted, there are big changes an opportunities just over the horizon. Something may be brewing, but its certainly not percolated completely. The Baron advises you to competently attend to practical matters in order to put yourself into position for whats just over the next hill.

Aquarius: Check It Twice

A certain benevolent force has asserted itself by rebalancing your perspective. You can benefit in the weeks ahead by consciously solidifying these changes. Your enthusiasm is set to decay over the next month, and so anchoring yourself to the way you’re looking at things now is important. Try listing your assumptions about life right now, and then tucking that list away for a few weeks. When your expectations are threatened by disdain, consider the list you’ve prepared.

Pisces: Preoccupation

Professional direction and operations are highlighted all month for you, Pisces. However, your mind won’t be free to fully consider career until well into next week. The planets suggest that you’re at the tail end of a type of philosophical crisis. The Baron suggests you not plunge into other matters before tying off the loose ends of your current set of considerations. Use this week to clean your mental slate for what’s next.

Services: If you'd like a personal consultation with the man behind the mask, message the Baron's mortal vehicle at Xroadsconsultations@gmail.com. The Baron is also available for birthdays, weddings, funerals and orgies.

COPYRIGHT ABYSSAL EPISTLES 2007

Sol in Sagittarius, Luna in Cancer

Pluto Reclassification

Breakfast with Pluto

In order to get to the bottom of nagging questions about Pluto posed by astrologers, astronomers, and everyone in-between, the Baron has journeyed to the depths of the underworld itself to talk to Mr. Afterlife himself.

(After being blindfolded and paddled across the River Styx by a way-too-talkative Charon, the Baron is granted an exclusive interview with the original man in black .)

Baron: Greetings, Lord Pluto. Big up ya self.

Pluto: Baron, good to see you again. I guess this time I won't be opposing your Moon.

Baron: Please don't.

Pluto: No worries. I've had my fun.

(Pluto beckons, and hot dead girls in skimpy outfits serve coffee in hollowed-out skulls. The coffee is black. Of course.)

Baron: This is good!

Pluto: No shit. Best in the underworld. Straight out of the Elysian Fields. Its just one culture over.

Baron: Pluto, I've got some serious questions to ask. First, how do you feel about your physical representative losing its planetary status?

Pluto: THE MORTALS PURCHASE THE ILLUSION OF KNOWLEDGE AT THE PRICE OF THEIR SOULS!

Baron: Really...

Pluto: No, I'm totally kidding. Honestly, I was wondering how long it would take the dirt-monkeys to figure it out. Its a tiny ball of ice and rock, for Joves sake! Its not even as big as your goddamn Moon! Of course I'm not offended.

Baron: Excellent. Well, people here on earth have been pretty concerned about your reaction to the downgrade.

Pluto: Well Baron, to be honest with you, they're going to get my wrath one way or another. But really don't view it as a downgrade. If you had a choice, would you rather be the smallest planet or the largest binary icy dwarf planet? Just taste the words "Binary Icy Dwarf Planet." Thats fucking metal as all hell and you can't deny it.

Baron: Nor would I. You should beam that into some guitar-playing idiots head.

Pluto: Done. Expect their double-album next year.

Baron: Nice. Always a pleasure to see a master in action. I have another question: Does this change your relationship with Scorpio? Do you still rule Scorpio? Did you ever? Do you now?

Pluto: As far as Scorpio goes, I don't know if I ever Ruled it in the sense the pre-modern astrologers use the term. House cusps and all that crap. In the sense that Modern astrologers use the term, meaning that I have a very strong affinity with it, I say yes. Scorpio's focus on decay, virulence, death, vengeance, violence and obsession has always made it my favorite celestial mansion to spend a few years in.

Baron: I hate to belabor the question, but this is important. In terms of classical technique, should we consider you to Rule Scorpio?

Pluto: I'll be straight with you, Scorpio is Mars winter home. You see, I really don't live on this side of the veil, hoss. I just vacation here from time to time. But when I'm here, I like to stay at Mars' place. You've got to love a guy who uses history's bloodiest battlefields as carpet, and the skulls of heroes for cereal bowls.

Baron: Interesting. Anything to say about the rest of the Signs?

Pluto: Well, my mother always told me if you dont have anything nice to say... I dont want to gossip. But I will say: Capricorn, its you and me for near 20 years come 2008. Hold onto your oil and watch your ass, kids. Its going to be a bumpy ride.

Baron: Sweet. So back to my original question: You really aren't offended that you're not going to get so much attention anymore?

Pluto: Not at all. You see, for years people have given me credit for anything and everything underworldy that goes on in their lives, when, to be realistic, the underworld's just as packed as any heaven. If you've been reading your Scientific American, or just browsing wikipedia, youd know that your science-monkeys have discovered another 6 icy dwarves about my size and in my vicinity in the last 10 or so years. And any mythology will reveal that we've layers and layers of anti-world to keep organized. We're well staffed, and I dont mind who knows it.

Baron: No shit.

Pluto: No shit. Just as that miserable little rock is my outpost on the material plane, the other powers have their own transmitters. The astrology meat-bags have given me credit for everything dark and scary that goes in the world, whereas I'm really just the only member of the family you've met. If you took a second to think about what it means that I'm in a binary relationship with Charon, you'd understand.

Baron: Well, Charon ferries those who approach the underworld across the River Styx. My guess at what you're getting at is that you're the modern humans' re-introduction to the power of the mythological underworld.

Pluto: Baron, you're so good. I knew there was a reason I haven't killed you yet.

Baron: By your grace, Lord Pluto. I have to ask- in this whole binary relationship you have with Charon, who takes who up the you know where?

Pluto: Now, now Baron. Its strictly Plutonic.

Baron: ...

Pluto: Sorry. That was bad.

Baron: Moving on. Didn't you like getting credit for all that, though? Doesn't it make you more powerful to have people thinking you're responsible for all of that? I thought being a god was sort of a "fake it till you make it" type of situation. Belief is food, and whatnot.

Pluto: Not at all. We gods like to be recognized for who we really are, and what we actually do. Just like you monkeys. Im tired of repping for a whole cosmological sect. We test people to give us the proper respect, and punish those who give us too much, or too little. Its a Greek "Golden Mean" type of deal. Ask Saturn, he'll explain.

Baron: Good to know. Pluto, can you tell us anything about your fellow underworlders?

Pluto: Well, like myself, they're big on secrecy, but I can tell you a little bit about those who have already revealed themselves. First, we've got Orcus, whose job is to punish oath-breakers.

Baron: Oath-breakers? We dont really take oaths these days, except in court.

Pluto: Not the silly kind of oath. The real kind. Orcus' job is to punish those who forget their destinies and spurn their fate. "The promises to yourself are the most important ones to keep" type of idea. You know Baron, you kind of look like Orcus.

Baron: I have Orcus conjunct Jupiter and the Ascendent by less than a degree.

Pluto: Ha! Damn I'm good. Maybe next time around I'll be an astrologer.

Baron: Go on.

Pluto: I will.

Baron: Then do it.

Pluto: I will. But I'm not doing it because you said so.

Baron: Fine.

Pluto: Fine.

Baron: Ok.

Pluto: Anyway. So there's Orcus, and then there's Sedna. She's this sad little Eskimo chick with no fingers.

Baron: Weird.

Pluto: Bet your ass she's weird. I cant really tell you much about her, except that she doesn't get along too well with her dad. Then theres Varuna, if thats what he's calling himself these days. Nice guy, for a cthonian. Indian, good with computers, and ruler of the night-sky. Theres also Ixion, though Marduk knows how he got a base on the material plane. Your histories name him as a son of Ares, strapped to a burning wheel and damned to rotate for eternity for trying to fuck Zeus' wife. What a dumbass. Only Zeus fucks other people's wives.

Baron: Word.

Pluto: Then theres my sweet little UB 313. Those science monkeys are getting ready to call her Xena. If they do, they will know my wrath. Its Proserpina, my wife, not Lucy Lawless. Remember the myth? She stays with me half the year and is gone the other half? Right. Well, look at her planetoid's orbit. You'll see she saunters around the solar system side by side with me for about half of the time, and goes out on her own the rest. If that isn't a clue, I dont know what is.

Baron: Thats pretty convincing. But theres already an asteroid named after her.

Pluto: So blow it up.

Baron: Fair enough.

Pluto: Arent I always?

Baron: ...yes?

Pluto: Good answer. So, weve covered Orcus, Varuna, Ixion, Sedna, and my sweet Proserpina. Theres also Quaor. He doesn't talk much. He claims to have done the cosmic disco with lady Chaos, and by doing so brought the whole universe into existence. Sort of an Apsu and Tiamat sort of relationship, if you dig.

Baron: I do. Dig, that is.

Pluto: Basically, Charon and I have been the acting diplomats for the underworld for 75 years now, but the graveyard of the solar system is full of tombstones other than mine. You call it the Kuiper Belt. Our underworld council is ready to start participating more directly in your daily affairs because it seems like you monkeys need a reminder. You'll be seeing more of us.

Baron: Looking forward to it. Pluto, its been most informative, but I really have to get back to my body on the physical plane. I would, however, like to say one thing before I go.

Pluto: Go for it.

Baron: Pluto, you totally rule.

Pluto: I totally already knew that.

Plutoscopes

By the grace of the underworld itself, the Baron has been granted permission to delineate the movement of Pluto through the different signs of the Zodiac. In whatever sign he is present in, Pluto brings terrible fear, Fascist structure, and a deep need for transformation often expressed as the type of psychology popular during each period. Remember not to read your Sun Sign. Pluto is generational.

Pluto in Cancer: Tell Me About Your mother...

1912-1937

In Cancer, Pluto focused his fearful energy on the family and homeland. This is a generation that fought in World War II, and later brought Pluto's fascist tendencies back to America, creating the notoriously restrictive nuclear family of the 50's. This generation, and their experiences, forever changed the way modern people think of their homeland and their family. This was also the period in during which Freud's psychology, which traced everything back to the childhood and the mother, reached the height of its popularity.

Pluto in Leo: The "Me" Generation

1937-1956

The Baby Boomers. Growing up under the shadow of the a mature Pluto in Cancer generation's familial restrictions, as well as nuclear annihilation, they were obsessed with freedom of expression. Called the "Me" generation, their Plutonian revolution took place in the 60s, where they spurned every attempt to limit their personal freedom, creating a deep cultural divide. These are the people who made rock n' roll happen. Out of this generation we get a number of strands of humanistic psychology which focus on open personal expression as the primary form of therapy.

Pluto in Virgo: All Work, No Healthcare

1956-1971

The middle children of history. In Virgo, Pluto sprayed shady rays into the realm of work and health care. Having waited for decades for the Baby-Boomers/Pluto in Leo generation to get off the throne, many of the Pluto in Virgo generation have had to labor patiently in positions beneath their dignity. Having had the experience of the worst the modern workplace has to offer, it is expected that workplace reform will be one of the marks the Pluto in Virgo generation will leave on history. Virgo's relationship to health care is also of note, and immediately connected to workplace concerns. Many astrologers expect this generation to be the one responsible for the health-care reform so necessary in America today. This generation has also been the one primarily responsible for bringing the therapeutic value of alternative health care, such as massage and acupuncture, into mainstream consciousness.

Pluto in Libra: Between Worlds

1971-1983

Born to a world shaken but not stirred by the revolution of their parents, the Pluto in Libra generation has been confronted with a country in which radical subculture and mainstream culture co-exist in uneasy peace. Growing up in such a space, the Pluto in Libra generation has been put in a place to reconcile the revolution of the hippies with the conformity of the same people in the 80s. As the Pluto in Libra generation matures, it is expected that they will take art in new directions, most likely through proper utilization of new electronic mediums. Though it may be awhile, once the Pluto in Libra generation begins to take office, it can be expected that there will be a deep focus on the injustice inside governmental systems. One can also expect fresh ideas in the field of psychology from this generation, most likely from outside the field itself.

Pluto in Scorpio: Out With The Old...

1983-1995

Just now popping out of their cocoons, many astrologers believe that the Pluto in Scorpio generation is an important one. Not confronted with the need to balance in the same way as the Pluto in Libra generation, Pluto in its favorite sign will be able to guide its children to assist in powerful cultural transformations. The Barons guess is that it will be under the auspices of this generation that the burgeoning field of genetics will make its strongest impact. They will also transform social attitudes towards formerly hidden occult practices, as well as attitudes regarding death in general. One could expect a rise in alternative religions, such as Wicca, and a decline in those that are already past their prime.

Pluto in Sagittarius: Crazy Little Bastards

1995-2008

Forget it. Ask the Baron about it when youre old enough to care. Or read.

Disclaimer: If you do not take every word of these horoscopes into you with the utmost faith, you will die. Statistics bear this out. Simply scan the newspapers. You will find that an overwhelming majority of the people that die each week DID NOT read the Baron's horoscopes.

If your newspaper or your mom's website are interested in publishing the Baron's weekly prophetics, shoot this old guy an email at Dr.Coppockalypse@gmail.com. The Baron is also available for birthdays, weddings, funerals and orgies.

Copyright 2006 Abyssal Epistles